mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
