i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
