Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
