When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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