glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
