Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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