i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
false alarm, still single
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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