Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
