we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
