You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
