so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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