Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
