I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize