One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
