well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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