I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
