She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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