Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
