we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize