used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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