is wine microwaveable?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
