At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
