in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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