Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
