It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
