his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
