Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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