allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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