One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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