I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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