I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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