Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
