neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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