i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My balls are so social today.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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