My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
