we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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