I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need a beard to bite.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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