its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
