my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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