The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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