Me. At least after what I've been through.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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