Soap is not a condiment
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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