I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize