He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
