I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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