Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
