her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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