I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
