dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize