yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
