Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
