I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
