You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
