get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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