Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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