oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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