You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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