Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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