I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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