meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
