I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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