were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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