I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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