The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
