6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize