Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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