We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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