I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
