So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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