absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
