My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
