My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
