May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
