I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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