went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
