it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
