chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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