I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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