ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
