Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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