Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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