Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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