Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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