Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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