Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
