So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
