You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize