do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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