I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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