I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
