So drunk its hurt
My liver just broke up with me...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
