Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need a beard to bite.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
