Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
