He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
