On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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