Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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