i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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