i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
