something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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